SHORTS

Ahhh, warm weather and summer around the corner. Time to get out those summer time clothes. So, I got out last year's stuff -- tank tops, t-shirts, shorts, sandals, suntan lotion, summer hats, and what not.


The sandals are falling apart. I don't know why! I've only had them for about ten years or so. The suntan lotion somehow squirted all over everything else. The t-shirts seemed to have shrunk since last summer. They all look like I put on a seven-year-old's clothes. And then, we have the shorts.


Now when I was a lot younger we all wore cut offs. You know, blue jeans that had worn out, and we cut the legs off of them and wore them the whole summer?

Well, these shorts were cut offs: they cut off your breathing and they cut off the circulation to your legs. Like I want to walk around with purple legs! And worst of all, they about cut you in two.


These things were so tight, that I could have sung with the Vienna Boys Choir. There was no way that you could set down in them, let alone to try even a bar stool. When I was trying to get them on, our dog ran into the room to see what all of the noise was about. And then when he saw me in them, he ran out of the room, and hid behind Kathi. I mean these shorts are so tight, that there is no way you could even pass gas. And if you did...

So here I am, fish belly white, with a shirt like a little kid's on, shorts that are so tight I have purple legs, and -- forget about having like a muffin top -- mine was like looking like the mushroom cloud from an atom bomb.

I wouldn't want to be in the same room. There would of been short pant parts all over. The zipper inbedded in the wall, the little rivets take out the mirror, a hip pocket has destroyed the ceiling fan. Shreds of denim all around the room. Belt loops have taken the bedroom door off at the hinges.

OK. You get the picture. And the tank tops. Oh man, what a riot. It was like trying to get out of a straight jacket. If I wore them with the shorts, my legs and arms would match.

I think it is time to hit the store, and get some new duds for the summer.