Wednesday, April 11, 2012

OOPSY DAISY

Everyone makes mistakes. Some of us more than others. I fall into that category.

It's not that I do it on purpose. The mistakes just seem to happen. And, I admit, I've had more than my fair share. Is it because my brain disconnects? Something more sinister?

I hope that this does not offend anyone. I don't mean for it to. This really did happen and it really was just a mistake. And I felt really bad when I found out I had made the mistake. . . though, it IS funny.

Anyway, this happened years and years ago. I and my girlfriend, who is Catholic, were invited to go to a Christmas Eve midnight mass by my best friend. Since I had never been to one, I thought it would be neat to see one. Kathi went, too. As we walked through the parking lot, my friend and I were smoking. He finished before I did, and flicked the butt out in front of us then stepped on it to put it out.

I, on the other hand, was still smoking as we went through the parking lot. As we approached the doors, I was almost finished with my cigarette. As we came up the steps, I saw what I thought were ashtrays mounted to the walls by the doors. I put my cigarette out in one, and it made a hiss. I asked, "Who put water in the ash trays?!!!"

From the reaction I got, you would have thought that I had shot the pope or something! I was told that they are NOT ashtrays, they are holy water. Well, Kathi (who is not Catholic) laughed. She was the only one. . .

Geez, how was I suppose to know!?

Well, after getting reamed out by my best friend and my date, things kinda went downhill from there. My friend and my date would not let me and Kathi set next to each other, 'cause Kathi kept on giggling.

During the service, an alter boy accidentally set one of the poinsettia's on fire with the thingy he was supposed to light candles with. Then the incense stuff they burned made me have a sneezing fit. And it smelled like old rags to me. And what was up with this stand-up-set-down-stand-up-kneel-down-set-down-stand-up thing. It could be an Olympic event! Going to Catholic church can be a real work out.

When I was a kid, when we went to church, people talked to one another, until it was time to start the service. In the Catholic church, it is really quiet. This was a learning experience for me. And the church was really beautiful. I did enjoy the service. But, I still caught all kinds of grief after the service.

I was never invited to go to another service.

Then again, maybe it had something to do with my rubbing ash off of my girlfriend's forehead one time. She hollered something about Ash Wednesday or something like that, as she stormed out of the Denny's restaurant.

17 comments:

  1. I'll never forget the sound of the hiss as that cigarette hit the water, along with the look on your face at the time. I'm getting the giggles all over again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kathi, yep, when I do it. I do it right. Ant the look from Ed, and the reaction of Rashelle. I'd do it again, just for the reaction of people.

      Delete
  2. Some folks just haven't any sense of humor. Word verification is still active, btw.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Stephen, for the heads-up on Word verification. I have fixed it for him now.

      Delete
    2. Stephen, I agree, some people just seem to be way to up-tight when things happen, that are funny or silly.

      And, I didn't know I had word verification. I never commented to my self. And one one has ever said anything about it, so..... Thanks to my better half.

      Delete
  3. Flier - sometimes i am amazed that Kathi lets you out in public - bahahahah! that was a good story buddy - i got one to share with you, too. i was baptized Salvation Army and went to Salvation Army Sunday School. i had never been to a proper Catholic Church and Service and was very glad to go with a new friend who sang in the choir and therefore couldn't sit with me. we stood up, sat down, kneeled - all that good stuff. then everyone got out of their seats and formed a line in the middle of the pews. i was trying to see what this was all about but there were too many adults ahead of me. when i finally get close enough - woohoo - we're all getting a little snack (the communion)!!! i took mine and smiled all the way back to my seat. after service, my friend's Mother, demanded to know if i took the communion. when i told her that i did, i spent the next half hour with a dragon screeching at me and telling me i would burn in hell for eternity. it was a lovely experience, i must say! bahahahahaha!

    your friend,
    kymber

    (can't wait for more "oopsy-daisy" stories!!!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kymber, I never knew Salvation army was a religion. LOL! And I didn't know that they are Catholic.
      The very first time I had communion, I took two of them little glasses of juice, and several piece's of the wafers. I thought that they were the dregs from a box of crackers. My parents were in shock I guess, I didn't catch hell until we got home. I don't think they wanted to raise to much of a fuss in church.

      Delete
    2. Flier - the Salvation Army is a Protestant religion! and the one and only time i mistakenly took the communion (mentioned above) - we didn't have little glasses of juice but a big, silver chalice that the priest held and everyone drank from!

      bahahahah - dregs from a box of crackers - too dunny buddy!

      Delete
  4. My wife and I went to a full Catholic wedding(a first)and she described it as "Stand up-sit down-fight-fight-fight" as if it were some sort of Notre Dame cheer. Those crazy Catlics...(in the South the word gets knocked down to Cat-lics sometimes, sounds more Jersey to me)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hillbilly, I knew a few people that were Irish, and Catlics. at lest that what it sounded like when they said it. Nice family. But, man did they raise hell every Saturday night in our neighborhood. And their oldest girl. Wow! If I'd of been ten years older, instead of six, I'd of been in deep you know what.

      Delete
  5. Kymber, Jim thinks (to this day) that communion should be Oreos and milk. Now that would be a snack!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kathi, or doughnuts and a bigger glass of juice. And why always grape juice? Mix it up a bit. Cherry juice would work. Heck even maybe orange juice.

      Delete
    2. i'm voting donuts and a bigger glass of cherry juice! bahahahah!

      hey Kathi - how goes it gurl?

      Delete
  6. Having served with "dysfunction" as an altar boy, your "incense incident" brought up one of my earliest infractions.
    A Cardinal or Bishop came to our church for a special evening service and it became our job to stoke up the incense at the right time, so that when it was needed, it would make the right amount of Holy Smoke(s!).
    As young boys that are playing with fire, charcoal, smelly-knock-your-socks-off incense, you can pretty much guess what happens next...
    Wanting to make a good impression with our abilities and being only 3 to 4 feet tall, we packed the "Thurible" (the thingy that holds the burning incense as the priest swings it)with extra charcoal to make sure it wouldn't burn out too soon. At the appointed time we added the proper amount of incense to the . Now in the vestibule, where we were doing our part, it was now dark and no were lights to be lit FOR ANY REASON, as per our instructions. We couldn't see if we were making enough smoke from the incense so we had the brilliant idea to add even more incense to the coals.
    Suddenly, and to this day I don't know who, a giant of a man bursts into the room and starts going on about how the church, specifically the vestibule we're in, is on FIRE!! The giant started opening windows and doors and directing us to use whatever we could find to fan the smoke out of the vestibule while a fan was put in place to suck the remaining smoke outside. You see, “giant man” could not be seen from the chest up because the smoke above us was so thick! I have to say, from my point of view it was VERY EXCITING!!!
    It seems that the great amount of heat we were putting out with the extra charcoal caused the incense to burn-smoke really-extra hot and extra fast and all the smoke was coming out the door, onto the alter and going up the wall...good times, good times.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete