CHECK BEFORE LEAVING THE HOUSE

I love my wife dearly. I really do. This morning, as she was ready to head to work, I gave her a kiss. I then proceeded to finish getting ready to go to the mall and walk some laps. As I was just getting ready to head out the door when the door bell rang.

Nugget, of course, barked his head off. When I opened the door, there stood the FedX guy with a box for my wife. He looked at me with a BIG s**t eatin' grin on his face. I thought it a bit too friendly. As I took the package, he turned, wished me a good day, and he walked off. I'm sure I heard a little laugh.

Well, I grabbed my keys and Nugget and off we went to the mall. I parked the truck and made my way into the mall. A few people who passed by me had silly a**ed grins on their faces. I couldn't figure what was up.

I real quick checked to make sure my pants were zipped. Checked to make sure my socks matched. Everything seemed to be in order.

After about the 100th person giving me those grins, I headed into the nearest restroom.

As I walked into the restroom, a fellow was walking out. He looked at me and smiled the same silly a**ed grin as everyone else. As I was walking up to one of the sinks, it became clear why everyone was smiling so.

I looked like I had put on Kathi's lipstick. 'Course, it was from kissing her goodbye. And it showed real well. I think I used about half of the soap and 60 gallons of water and a whole roll of paper towels to get the lipstick off my mouth.

The worst part? It wasn't even the right color for me!

So, I left the mall. I'm now going to the boat and travel show here in town. Minus the lipstick, of course.