STICKY BUTT

Any of you ever have a sticky butt? I have. Twice. 

First time, I must have been about 4 or 5 years old. I just happened to knock over a BIG jar of honey. And, of course, I didn't move. It flowed all over the seat of the big old patio chair I was sitting in.

Did you know that honey gets into every crack and crevice? And that you should not then sit in sand or near an ant hill? And, that all kinds of bugs and creepy crawlers like honey also? Not to say anything about hummingbirds.

I never knew how fast and how many hummingbirds will attack a honey soaked butt and crotch. It was like the attack of Peal Harbor all over again, except the attackers were much more colorful. My dad could not move quick enough to help me. He was too busy laughing and watching me run around the yard, swatting and dodging, weaving, jumping, and rolling to get away from the hummingbirds!

Then, I made the mistake of running towards our neighbors house. He and his wife were bee keepers. By then, I was really going bonkers. Them bees were worse than the hummingbirds! By then, my dad decided to help. I'm sure he meant well. And, he said, he thought it was water, but it was a 5-gallon jug of sweet tea that he threw on me.

Now, I love my dad, and now I can tell this since he has passed on. I'm sure when my turn comes, he will be right there at the pearly gates, ready to give me what for for telling on him. Anyway, by the time the grown-ups got me into the house, I had ants in my pants, sand and dirt up my butt crack. Hummingbird feathers and bee stings all over my body.

To this day, if I hear a hummingbird I break out in a cold sweat and start for the door. Ant piles are jumped on and destroyed. Bees bring on this uncontrollable arm swinging and running around like a chicken without a head. And forget about me EVER having southern style sweet tea. And my sister in Arkansas wonders why I won't come and see her.

I'd hate to scare the you know what out of her when the nightmares come back. The funny thing is I still like honey!

I think I will tell the other story of a sticky butt at a later date. I swear I can hear hummingbirds outside the window!