Thursday, February 9, 2012

ONE OF THEM DAYS

Ever had one of them days when nothing seems to go right? Like, when your toilet backs up, and you grab the the plunger and start to plunge away, and the handle breaks. So you head off to Home Depot or a hardware store to buy a new plunger. And on the way you're following a truck with lumber and stuff and the tailgate falls open and a box of nails falls out of the truck and the nails go everywhere.

And, of course, you can't miss the nails and you end up with two flat tires. And you only have one spare. When you go to change the tire, you find that you have no jack because you used the jack the other day helping a friend change a tire and left the jack at his place. So you call the auto club, have your car towed to get it fixed, and you get some smart a$$ kid who is going to fix your tires and he gives you the third degree about how you should always carry your jack.

Then the wife calls and would like you to stop at the store for some milk and eggs on your way home. So your car is fixed, the smart a$$ kid reminds you to get your jack back, your wife calls again and adds flour and pot pies to the list of things from the store. So, you pay for having the tires done and you leave for the store.

On the way to the store, you remember that you need to talk to your brother in-law about the tools that he borrowed from you last week. You then notice that you are low on gas. So you stop to fill it up and the nozzle doesn't shut off in time and you dump an extra five dollars of gas onto the ground and two dollars worth on your pants. You go in to pay and you reek of gas.

As you drive off, just a bit ticked off, you head for home. The smell of your gas soaked pants is making you woozy and your crotch is starting to sting. But wait! You still need to go to the store!

So you turn around and head for the store. Once at the store, you reach into your pocket for the list you made of what the wife wanted and instead you pull out this gas soaked paper, the ink smeared and you can't make out the list. But you think that you can figure it out.

You proceed to get flowers, a couple of pies, bags, and a cake. On your way out of the store, you notice that everyone is looking at you and holding their noses because of the smell of the gas. You jump in your car and head home. You just have to get out of them pants! You arrive home, carry your store purchases to the door and find you have no keys.

They are locked in the car.

And, of course, you don't have a spare anywhere around. So, you set and wait for the wife to get home. As you set there, you get a bit hungry so you get into one of the pies. You have nothing to eat it with, so you use your hand and take a chunk. It tastes pretty good. So you have some more. While you are enjoying your pie, your wife drives up.

She walks up to you. You have pie on your face and your shirt. You reek of gas. And you try to tell her why you smell, and can't get in the house. And you have pie smeared on your sleeve, because you didn't have a napkin. As she lets you in the house, there is a message on the phone that you left your credit card at the store.

Your wife then makes her way to the bathroom and sees the mess and broken plunger. She throws up her hands, and heads to the kitchen to put away the things you bought. She looks in the bags, and asks what in the world you bought and asks why you didn't write down what she wanted.

You tell her you had, but after the gas soaked your pants you couldn't read the list, so you just bought what you thought the list said. She throws up her hands again. You go in to change your pants in the bathroom and step right in the mess on the floor, slip, fall, and now you smell of poo, gas, and have pie on your shirt and face. Your wife is muttering in the kitchen about sending someone to the "home" or putting something or someone away.

You change clothes and take your wife's keys to unlock the car. You find that you now need to get the smell of gas out of the front seat, but it is past 6 p.m. and everything is closed.

So, for tomorrow, you make a list of what needs to be done. You tell your wife about all that will get done and she looks at you kind of funny like and tells you to not worry about it, she'll have it all taken care of.

The next day after you get home, the wife is there ahead of you. A plumbers truck is in front of the house. You don't say a word.

There is a meal on the table ready to eat. You don't say a word.

There is a new plunger by the chair. You don't say a word.

She has also been to the store. You don't say a word.

As the night gets later, she asks if you are alright. You say you are fine. She says good.

She gives you a little gift, one of them new gadgets. It is for tweeting or something like that. And it has a list for things that you need to do.

You try to explain about yesterday and tell her that it was just one of them days.

I don't think she believed me.

33 comments:

  1. I'm laughing so hard my head hurts...bless you, and thanks. I needed this...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stephen, Your more than welcome. Laughing is good medicine for what ails ya. Just don't blow stuff through your nose, while laughing. I had that happen with root bear, damn did it burn.

      Delete
  2. Don't know if I would either... ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dani, thanks for stopping by. It seems that "one of them days" seems to happen more often as I get older.

      Delete
  3. I think I have days almost that bad....good story. Enjoyed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Duke, On days like that. I call them "Brain Fart Days."
      Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  4. Oh, brother, I hope you just made this up... if not, bless your heart!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Barbee, I just kind of took some things from different days, that stuff has happened. And came up with the story.
      Course, some may of happened to a friend. But I'm not telling.
      Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  5. That is a funny one for sure...I've had them days, not too many, and my husband just laughs. if it starts that way, I stop what I'm doing and do something different, then go back and usually it falls in place...LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kingturkeyoak, Thanks for stopping by. My wife laughs at me also. If I try, and stop, and do something else, I forget what it was that I was doing to begin with.

      I wonder if you can learn to multi task?

      Delete
  6. OMG.. I guess my day wasn't THAT bad :)

    Stephen sent me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PISSED, glad you stopped by. There has been better days. And then there has been some really bad ones. But, if you can smile about it. It's not that bad.

      So come on back now and then. Check out some of the older posts.

      Delete
    2. Thanks :) I stopped by to peruse some more.

      Delete
  7. I hope you got the T shirt. That was hilarious!

    BTW PISSED sent me. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CoolChange, Thanks for stopping by. Speaking of T-shirts. I'll be posting some on that subject in the future. And tell PISSED Thanks .

      Delete
  8. I hope you remember the day she said "I do" because she sure did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. North, I remember when she said "I Do". She laughed for several minutes. And things just seem to get better from there.
      Glad you stopped by.

      Delete
  9. Oh man this is a classic, I sure hope you got your card back :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mmasse, Yep, the card was taken back from me by the wife. Now I get cash for every thing.

      Glad you stopped by.

      Delete
  10. Oh crap! And I thought I was the only one. At least I got to laugh at this one. Hope you days get better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dean Carder, Hey, thanks for stopping by. I some times think that this is something that is inherited from our fathers. I just wish it would of skipped a generation or two.

      Delete
  11. oh Flier...oh man you tell a good story. i hope this was just a story. for poor Kathi's sake. she actually has to live with you?

    bahahahahahahahah! your friend,
    kymber

    (p.s. - i read the whole thing to jambaloney. he was snorting and coughing like you wouldn't believe!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kymber, Kathi is stuck with me. She say's that it took her to damn long to catch me. And that she won't throw me back. Besides, I have a tent that I can put up in the back yard if it gets to bad.

      As for jambaloney, I hope that he wasn't eating at the time you read this to him. When you laugh to hard, sometimes things come out your nose, like peas. Have you ever had peas come out your nose? It hurts like a you know what. .....OK, so I have had peas come out my nose, but that was in first grade.(Now there is a story to blog about.)

      Delete
  12. Some days it's just not worth chewing through the leather restraints.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheesy, thanks for stopping by. I agree with you. Some times it would be better to just stay in bed and cover your head.

      Delete
  13. Honestly, it sounds like you've found a way to not have to do any of those things yourself in the future. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 45er, I was kind of hoping, but it didn't work out that way. Sorry it has taken me till today to answer back. Down with a hell of a cold.

      Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  14. Hey Flier 389, Stephen sent me. That is the funniest thing I have read in an age. I almost had a day like that today. But it turned around and it was a very good day. Even better after laughing so hard I blew coffee all over my puter screen.
    T

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tea, thanks for stopping by. fightin a cold right now. So I'm running a bit behind on returning reply's. Hope you got your puter screen cleaned off. I do that about once a month. (blowing stuff on my computer.)

      Come on back, check some of the older post's. But, make sure you have something handy to wipe your computer down with.

      Delete
  15. Loved it thanks, and it so reminds me of some of my "Days Gone Skewed".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brian, thanks. I've had more days like that than I can count.
      Come on back, and check out some of the older post's. I kind of have a little bit of everything here.

      Sorry it took a day or two to reply back. I'm fightin a bad cold right now, and it seems to be winning.

      Delete
  16. Hallelujah !!!!! I've found my husband's long lost brother. We've been searching for you for years.

    okie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous, AAAHHH! I knew I had a brother out there some where. Maybe we are twins.

      Thanks for stopping by, and come on back, and check out some of the older post's.
      Sorry it took a while to get back a reply, I fightin a bad cold right now.

      Delete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.