ONE OF THEM DAYS

Ever had one of them days when nothing seems to go right? Like, when your toilet backs up, and you grab the the plunger and start to plunge away, and the handle breaks. So you head off to Home Depot or a hardware store to buy a new plunger. And on the way you're following a truck with lumber and stuff and the tailgate falls open and a box of nails falls out of the truck and the nails go everywhere.

And, of course, you can't miss the nails and you end up with two flat tires. And you only have one spare. When you go to change the tire, you find that you have no jack because you used the jack the other day helping a friend change a tire and left the jack at his place. So you call the auto club, have your car towed to get it fixed, and you get some smart a$$ kid who is going to fix your tires and he gives you the third degree about how you should always carry your jack.

Then the wife calls and would like you to stop at the store for some milk and eggs on your way home. So your car is fixed, the smart a$$ kid reminds you to get your jack back, your wife calls again and adds flour and pot pies to the list of things from the store. So, you pay for having the tires done and you leave for the store.

On the way to the store, you remember that you need to talk to your brother in-law about the tools that he borrowed from you last week. You then notice that you are low on gas. So you stop to fill it up and the nozzle doesn't shut off in time and you dump an extra five dollars of gas onto the ground and two dollars worth on your pants. You go in to pay and you reek of gas.

As you drive off, just a bit ticked off, you head for home. The smell of your gas soaked pants is making you woozy and your crotch is starting to sting. But wait! You still need to go to the store!

So you turn around and head for the store. Once at the store, you reach into your pocket for the list you made of what the wife wanted and instead you pull out this gas soaked paper, the ink smeared and you can't make out the list. But you think that you can figure it out.

You proceed to get flowers, a couple of pies, bags, and a cake. On your way out of the store, you notice that everyone is looking at you and holding their noses because of the smell of the gas. You jump in your car and head home. You just have to get out of them pants! You arrive home, carry your store purchases to the door and find you have no keys.

They are locked in the car.

And, of course, you don't have a spare anywhere around. So, you set and wait for the wife to get home. As you set there, you get a bit hungry so you get into one of the pies. You have nothing to eat it with, so you use your hand and take a chunk. It tastes pretty good. So you have some more. While you are enjoying your pie, your wife drives up.

She walks up to you. You have pie on your face and your shirt. You reek of gas. And you try to tell her why you smell, and can't get in the house. And you have pie smeared on your sleeve, because you didn't have a napkin. As she lets you in the house, there is a message on the phone that you left your credit card at the store.

Your wife then makes her way to the bathroom and sees the mess and broken plunger. She throws up her hands, and heads to the kitchen to put away the things you bought. She looks in the bags, and asks what in the world you bought and asks why you didn't write down what she wanted.

You tell her you had, but after the gas soaked your pants you couldn't read the list, so you just bought what you thought the list said. She throws up her hands again. You go in to change your pants in the bathroom and step right in the mess on the floor, slip, fall, and now you smell of poo, gas, and have pie on your shirt and face. Your wife is muttering in the kitchen about sending someone to the "home" or putting something or someone away.

You change clothes and take your wife's keys to unlock the car. You find that you now need to get the smell of gas out of the front seat, but it is past 6 p.m. and everything is closed.

So, for tomorrow, you make a list of what needs to be done. You tell your wife about all that will get done and she looks at you kind of funny like and tells you to not worry about it, she'll have it all taken care of.

The next day after you get home, the wife is there ahead of you. A plumbers truck is in front of the house. You don't say a word.

There is a meal on the table ready to eat. You don't say a word.

There is a new plunger by the chair. You don't say a word.

She has also been to the store. You don't say a word.

As the night gets later, she asks if you are alright. You say you are fine. She says good.

She gives you a little gift, one of them new gadgets. It is for tweeting or something like that. And it has a list for things that you need to do.

You try to explain about yesterday and tell her that it was just one of them days.

I don't think she believed me.