CHAPPED LIPS CURE

Here is a home remedy for chapped lips. Now, I was told this many, many years ago. I do not take responsibility for it. Now that we have the legal stuff out of the way.

All you need to do, according to who told me, is to kiss a horse's or a cow's hiney, at the base of the tail.

It may not help your chapped lips, but it will sure keep you from licking your lips and making them more chapped.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Mere precedent is a dangerous source of authority."
--Andrew Jackson, 7th U.S. president

"It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously."
--Peter Ustinov, British actor and writer

"To be loved is to be fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction."
--Minna Antrim, American author

"Friendship is the great chain of human society."
--James Howell, British historian and writer

A joke for your Wednesday

My sister sent me this one, and I thought some of you might think it is funny, too.
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The doctors need to be just a little more specific with us older folks!

 

The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy.
When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists' Counter is located, took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon, and laid them both onto the counter.

The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me. 

I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"
Being I am a senior citizen I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me, and picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around.
Then with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing. 

When he finally was finished making all those weird faces, I looked him right in the eye asked, "Now, does that taste sweet to you?" 

The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!" 

So I said, "Oh thank God!  That's a real relief!  My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!"

Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care though,because they aren't very friendly there anyway!

A SLOW CREEP IS CREEPING UP

It's slow. And it is creeping up and getting nearer. There is nothing that can be done. It's going to happen. I would change it if it were possible. It creeps up on all of us. Every day of the year. It creeps up and gets someone. Man, woman, child. Male or female, it doesn't matter, it gets us all. Some enjoy it. Others, maybe not so much.

What am I talking about? BIRTHDAYS! Pappy quit counting his when he was like in his late 50's. Ever since I could remember, he was always saying that he was 39 years old. He was in his 70's when he passed. I've seen and known some "older" people who still act like they are back in high school. One lady I know is over eighty and still likes to go out and dance if she can find a guy to keep up with her.

Take me for example. A lot of my family members tell me all the time that I'm still just like a overgrown kid. I admit that I can go a little overboard when doing some things. Why, just the other day, a guy and I had a race to see who could get to the bathroom first. He cheated. A friend and I went out for lunch last week for all you can eat pizza. I wolfed nine slices. He only ate four. If I had had beer, it might have been 14 slices. 'Course, we won't talk about how I was the next day or two.

I bet I can still ride a Big Wheel through Red Rocks Park, if you beef up the frame on it then help me get off the thing and back on my feet. I can still roll down a hill. Even when I don't want to.

So, I'm now declaring. I will not turn 60 in February!

I'm going to do like Pappy, but I'll start at 59 and work backwards. So, I'll be 58 this year, and 57 next year. Now if I can just figure out how to avoid looking older. Like the lady that my grandmother knew. She paid to have a face lift once. A couple years later, instead of getting another one -- I swear this is true -- she showed up at our house smelling a bit strange, but looked like she had a newer face.

She told my grandmother that instead of paying for a face lift that she was using Preparation H on her face. Tightened everything right up! Smelled a bit, along with old lady perfume. She was quite proud of how she looked and wanted to go out and have dinner someplace. I told them I had a date and couldn't go with them. Grandmother said something like "coward" under her breath.

They went out. Grandmother didn't talk to me for three days. 

QUOTES OF THE WEEK: January 15, 2016

"Opportunity is missed by most people, because it is dressed in overalls, and it looks like work."
-- Thomas Edison, American inventor

"Work with some men is as besetting a sin as idleness with others."
--Samuel Butler, British author

FRESH AIR TAI CHI

Last Friday I had my very first Tai Chi class. It was interesting, it was fun. In fact, you could say it was a "gas." It was also very relaxing. Which I guess would account for several people passing said gas. And, we ALL know that farts are funny. Loud ones, squeakers, low pitched ones, high pitched ones. There is such a variety.

Then, you have these people also saying excuse me every time that there is a "butt burp." Loud excuse me, soft excuse me, with a snicker or two along the way. I've heard that the same thing happens in yoga. Go figure. The instructor, who seems to be a nice guy, kind of started it all. First him, then one or two of the ladies in the class. Followed up by us guys. 

It was almost like we had a harmony going on, with Asian music playing in the background. My friend that told me about Tai Chi, never said anything about passing gas while in class. At least the rec center has good ventilation in the yoga room. And, what's up with all the mirrors around the room? I don't need four different views of myself trying to be graceful like a gazelle and looking more like a hippo in heat, moving around, and trying to get the moves just right.

So, maybe in a few weeks. . . maybe I'll look more like a graceful hippo. But it is still a workout. The others seem to have had more classes than I have. That's okay, I'll catch up. As for the gas thing, maybe a few air fresheners, like you hang in your car, might be in order to hang off a few backsides. 

It's all good.

TAI CHI

Hot diggity, I'm now signed up for Tai Chi class. The class starts this Friday. I'm looking forward to this. I'm pumped. I'm ready. I'm inspired.... But, what do you wear for Tai Chi? Shorts, lounge pants, sweats, ninja outfit, pajamas? I've got everything covered, except for pajamas and ninja outfit. And do you need to bring anything else with you to class? 

I'm hoping that I'll be able to get more limber, and be able to move and bend a lot easier than I do now. They say that it is low impact and easier on your body, good exercise for mind and body. I can use some improvement on the body. The mind. . . that's something that went into the waste basket a long time ago, according to some of my friends.  

This is going to be neat. I'll be a Taekwondo, Karate, Judo, Kung Fu Ninja Turtle when I learn this stuff. As long as my opponent moves as slow or slower than me. I should be able to kick some major butt playing pickle ball later on. After, I learn some of this Tai Chi.

So, away I go Friday to check this out. Wish me luck. Hoping for a more limber body in a few weeks.  

HAPPY NEW YEAR ! !

Okay so it is a few days past. I hope that everyone had a good Christmas, and that you all got what you wanted for Christmas. Me, I got several neat gifts. Smell well juice, socks, a puzzle (that we already tried to put together and couldn't.) Some other odds and ends. Kathi, still needs to pick her present out. She needs to check out a few shootin' iron shops first.

New years eve was quiet and Kathi crashed at about 9:30 p.m. I woke her in time for new years. New year's morning we made up some homemade sourdough cinnamon rolls, then played lounge monsters for the rest of the day. Ate some more cinnamon rolls for lunch. Watched westerns on the boob tube for the rest of the day.

I'm going to work on getting some things done that I want this year. A friend up in Wyoming has talked me into trying Tai Chi. So, I'll be signed up here this week. Plus I'm going to try my hand at some knife making, some leather craft, and  -- of course -- some camping and fishing here in a while. I'm also going to try to take better care of myself this year.

I'm not getting any younger. I'll be hitting the BIG 60 in a month or so. I also want to be able to get a jo... a jo ... It's hard to say. A part-time job. There, if you say it fast enough, it isn't as hard to say. Our home business is kaput. So, I'll try something different. HHMMM? 

I guess trying to get my old job (40 some odd years ago) as a stripper is off the table. My money shaker won't even get me change any more. I could try driving a delivery truck again, except I don't know if I can put up with the a-holes out on the roads now a days. Maybe a warehouse job. I'm sure I can get re-certified as a fork lift operator.

Well enough of my kibitzing. I hope that you all had a great one. Now, maybe its time for another cinnamon roll and a mug of coffee.