WHO GOT TAN?

Now days, we put all this gobbledy gook on our bodies before going outside. We use stuff with a 100 zillion SPF. Cover ourselves from head to toe. Wear a hat that is bigger than a sombrero. And heaven forbid if you even think about getting into one of those tanning beds.

When I was a kid, about all we wore in the summer was a pair of shorts. And if you went out with your parents you would put on a T-shirt and some flip flops, and you were good to go. We used to lay out in the yard for hours. We wanted to get a tan! The darker the better.

I remember summer days of riding my bike and just about every house I went by I could hear a radio blasting tunes and there was somebody, with some friends, laying out on towels. Catching some rays, as we called it.

For getting a tan you needed a towel, some type of tanning lotion, a radio, and some one to slather the lotion on you. And a garden sprinkler to cool off with every so often.

To help us get a tan faster, we used to take a bottle of baby oil and add some iodine to it. First coat or two, we were kind of orange. Then, as we got a bit of sun, it turned a darker orange. We'd you do this every day for several weeks, then POW! We had a dark tan!

Then they came up with a suntan lotion called QT. It was a ready-made tan in a squirt bottle. Man we used that stuff by the gallon in the summer time. We didn't even need the sun. Only bad thing about it, was it left the palms of our hands tan also. We would try to wash it off our hands, with about half a bar of soap and a thousand gallons of water. We got the stuff off our hands, but then we had white hands. If we sweated when we had this stuff on our faces, boy howdy, did it burn! The best way was to have someone else put this stuff on you and let them walk around with the tan palms.

Then there were those people who never used suntan lotion and they had great tans. It may have taken them a bit longer. Their tans seemed to last longer than those of us who got it out of a bottle. Some of them would have a tan until October or so.

Back in the 1800's it was not cool to have a tan. If you were gentile, or upper class, you wanted to be lily-white year round. Only the lower class of people had tans. Some people had what is called a "farmer's tan." That would be your face, hands, neck, and arms. And maybe your upper body if you were a man. Women were looked down on if they had tan arms or hands. That showed that they worked outside alot, and were farmers and such.

It used to be that if you had a tan, like when I was a kid, you were healthy. And tans on people in the summer meant that they were healthy. And now, it seems that we are going back to us all being lily-white. They say we should stay out of the sun if we can, and if you can't, then be sure to slather yourself with this goop that will keep you from getting any sun rays on you. Or maybe one that says you can have a natural tan if you use this cream that gives you a instant tan. It colors your skin, and it looks like you have a tan until you take a bath. Then it all comes off and goes down the drain. You then have to put more on. It never ends.

Maybe we should start using baby oil and iodine again. Sure, we can all be orange for awhile, then get darker as the days go by. One drawback to this is that if you miss a spot on your body, it really shows. Plus, you wouldn't have to worry about tan lines. And think how healthy we would all look.

So, get some orange hands this summer. And go tan!

FEED YOUR FACE: Another quick chili

This one is really simple.
1 pound hamburger meat
1 large onion, chopped up
2 cans pork and beans (get rid of the pork chunks)
Salt and pepper
1 can of chili beans, drained.
1 can tomato sauce
A dash of oregano (optional)

Brown the meat with the onion. Drain off the fat. Add the pork and beans, chili beans, and tomato sauce. Add a dash of oregano, and salt and pepper to taste.

Throw it in a bowl and have some sheepherders bread with butter on the side. And be ready to go back for more.

So fix some up. And FEED YOUR FACE!!

DID YOU KNOW? The First Train Robbery

Did you know that the first train robbery in the United States was committed on October 6, 1866, by the Reno Brothers (John, Frank, Simeon,and William) near Seymour, Indiana.

And,three of the brothers were lynched by vigilantes in New Albany, Indiana, in 1868.

So. Now you know.

SHORTS

Ahhh, warm weather and summer around the corner. Time to get out those summer time clothes. So, I got out last year's stuff -- tank tops, t-shirts, shorts, sandals, suntan lotion, summer hats, and what not.


The sandals are falling apart. I don't know why! I've only had them for about ten years or so. The suntan lotion somehow squirted all over everything else. The t-shirts seemed to have shrunk since last summer. They all look like I put on a seven-year-old's clothes. And then, we have the shorts.


Now when I was a lot younger we all wore cut offs. You know, blue jeans that had worn out, and we cut the legs off of them and wore them the whole summer?

Well, these shorts were cut offs: they cut off your breathing and they cut off the circulation to your legs. Like I want to walk around with purple legs! And worst of all, they about cut you in two.


These things were so tight, that I could have sung with the Vienna Boys Choir. There was no way that you could set down in them, let alone to try even a bar stool. When I was trying to get them on, our dog ran into the room to see what all of the noise was about. And then when he saw me in them, he ran out of the room, and hid behind Kathi. I mean these shorts are so tight, that there is no way you could even pass gas. And if you did...

So here I am, fish belly white, with a shirt like a little kid's on, shorts that are so tight I have purple legs, and -- forget about having like a muffin top -- mine was like looking like the mushroom cloud from an atom bomb.

I wouldn't want to be in the same room. There would of been short pant parts all over. The zipper inbedded in the wall, the little rivets take out the mirror, a hip pocket has destroyed the ceiling fan. Shreds of denim all around the room. Belt loops have taken the bedroom door off at the hinges.

OK. You get the picture. And the tank tops. Oh man, what a riot. It was like trying to get out of a straight jacket. If I wore them with the shorts, my legs and arms would match.

I think it is time to hit the store, and get some new duds for the summer.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: 4/25/2011

"All intellectual improvements arise from leisure."


-- Samuel Johnson, English Writer

FEED YOUR FACE: A DIET CHILI

OK. So this is not tradtional Easter fare. But is good all the same. You need:

• 1 pound lean ground beef


• 2 cups sliced celery


• 1 medium onion, chopped


• 1/2 cup chopped green bell peppers


• 1/2 teaspoon garlic salt


• 15 ounce can, undrained kidney beans


• 1/2 or less teaspoon chili powder (or more to taste)


• 2 - 16 ounce cans, undrained tomatos


• 1 bay leaf

Cook up the ground beef and onion in a dutch oven or very large deep skillet.

Drain thoroughly. Add remaining ingredients. Simmer, covered, for 1 to 2 hours. Remove bay leaf. Serve hot.


Makes about 8 servings. 1 cup is about 156 calories.

If you want to up it, add some cheese. And some sheep herders bread. But then it isn't as diet-y/

This makes a great meal, no matter how you do it up. And if there are any leftovers, they freeze up good.


So, make some up. Chow down this Easter, and have a great time with family and friends. And FEED YOUR FACE!

DID YOU KNOW? O.K. Corral

Did you know that the initials in the "O.K." corral do not stand for okay.

They stand for "Old Kinderhook."

TAX TIME

Every year, we pay our taxes. Year after year. Maybe we should go back in time and pay them the way we used to pay for things. How about paying them off in chickens or eggs? Maybe milk, cows, horses, pigs, or goats?

How about we pay with the byproducts of said animals? We used to pay with grain. Or maybe we could pay them off with junk food! If you owe them one hundred dollars, pay it off with frozen pizzas or frozen veggies. Or -- to get really off the wall -- pay your taxes in BELLY BUTTON LINT! We could start a whole new economy based on belly button lint!

And if you don't have any belly button lint (though who out there doesn't?) you could use the lint out of your clothes dryer. Just think, the whole world run by lint. Have a war, run it on belly button lint! Exchange belly button lint on the stock exchange. Just imagine, the gold is gone from Fort Knox and it is now full of belly button lint.

And if we used lint as money, think about how much lighter our pants pockets would be if they were full of belly button lint instead of all that heavy change we are all used too. Then everyone would walk around with smiles on their faces.

I think that this just might work. I'll have to work out some more of the details, but it is something to think about.

And it is time for me to take some more NyQuil and take a nap.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: 4/18/2011

"A tax loophole is something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform." --Russell B. Long, U.S. Senator

VIRAL FRIDAY

First, let me say that I'm sorry I have not been keeping up here the last week or two. I have the creeping viral smackdown and it has, and is, kicking my butt.

Second, I should be rich real soon here as I have bought stock in Kleenex. Did you know that you can go through a whole box of Kleenex in one day? That's a LOT of blowing.

Third. I have had so much chicken soup over the past week that I sneezed the other night and I swear that I had feathers come out my nose. I coulda swore that I almost layed an egg. And I have found feathers on my side of the sofa.

Fourth? I went to the clinic and got some good medicine. Now, it is just a matter of getting it down the old wind pipe and up the nose. Did I tell you how much Kleenex I have gone through?

Fifth: Kathi has been good enough to pamper me non stop. And I don't mean Pampers diapers. Get your minds out of the gutter, people! Kathi has been wanting to do more, but I won't let her. I don't want her to catch this stuff.

Sixth. I know who I caught this from and they know who they are. As of right now, they have the top five spots on my bad list. Just wait. I'm coming up with a real doozy come back for them.

Seventh. Did you know that if you use NyQuil enough night that it starts to taste pretty good? Tonight, I am thinking of trying it with a lime twist. Or maybe use it as a glaze on chicken.

Eighth. I would swear that I can hear what's going on down the street. It is like I have a baby monitor in my head. Maybe a foil hat would help?

Ninth. I think that my nose is growing. I thought that I had Karl Maulden's nose the other day. If I could maybe just turn it upside down I wouldn't have to use so much Kleenex. Oh yeah, I'm going to be rich! Lots and lots of Kleenex.

So, I'm sorry that I have been lacking in the writing department. I will try to write when I feel a little better. I just have not felt that great. And I would hate for others to catch this crude. So while I'm typing I'm wearing rubber gloves and one of them paper mask things. When you get done reading this, disinfect your computer.

So, I'll leave you all to it. It's about time to go find some more chicken soup.
Yep, chicken soup for breakfast. Goes good with DayQuil.

SCHOOL LUNCH

I remember school lunches back in the sixties. We paid 25 cents, for a lunch, and 2 cents for a carton of milk. You could buy lunch tickets for the whole week. They posted the week's lunches in the Sunday paper. We use to have it read to us each day before school so that we could decide if we wanted to have a school lunch or bring a lunch from home.

The school lunches were pretty good. There was always some type of veggie, and some type of dessert. The main course could be turkey with gravy and mashed potatoes, or pigs in a blanket, pizza or sloppy joe's. We had fruit also. And at mid-morning we all got graham crackers and a carton of milk.

Remember the lunch ladies? They were always there, serving, washing, and cooking. Hair under little nets and white aprons. They served up a lot of meals every day. And they were good meals. 'Course some of us might try to get some extra dessert every now and then, like on pineapple upside down cake day.

There was a lot of prep work to make those meals for us, not like today where just about everything is pre-made. I remember some of the lunch ladies got together, and every Friday we had homemade pie. This was extra, and we did not pay for it. It came with our lunch on its own little paper plate. Nobody made them do it. They did it because they wanted to.

I know that some schools have a hard time feeding all of the kids nowadays, but somethings have just gone too far. I read just yesterday that at some schools in Chicago, students are now not allowed to bring a sack lunch to school. The students either eat cafeteria food or go hungry. The schools think that they can do more nutritious food than the parents can.

Why has the school taken this position? My parents worked hard to put food on our table. They fed us good food, homemade food. And, yeah, we got some store bought goodies with sugar, but we had a choice at school: bring a lunch or eat a school lunch. Our teachers even had extra lunch tickets for students who forgot to bring a lunch or forgot their lunch ticket. And, yes, even for some of the kids whose parents might be a little short of money for the week.

I think that they know what's best for their children, and I do not think that the schools should be able to pull this kind of stuff. They are worried about obese kids. Then bring back P.E. classes! Get them kids moving around instead of setting in front of a computer all day. Make them walk the track every day. Make them work up a sweat a couple of days a week. It would be good for them. It would be good for our country.

So, there! I have popped up on my milkbox again. Sorry if I ruffled a few feathers. All of you have a great day. And God bless.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: 4/11/2011

"Be a friend to thyself, and others will be so, too." --Thomas Fuller English clergyman and historian

SCARECROWS

This is late today and I apologize for that. But I was just wondering. How many different types of scarecrows are there? And how big? Also, how big of a garden do you need to have a scarecrow? Is one scarecrow enough for something like a 1-acre garden. In the movies it seems that you only see one, all by itself, in a huge field. When is the right time to put one up? And how come you never see an overweight scarecrow? So, if I only have a barrel garden of, let's say, 5 barrels: do you put up a scarecrow? Or if I have only planter boxes, should I put up a midget scarecrow? And does a scarecrow just scare crows? Does putting a face on your scarecrow help scare the crows? Shouldn't there be different types of scarecrows to scare different types of birds? You never see any scarecrows in vineyards or orchards. So, I may be on to something here. I just might start my own scarecrow shop. Maybe even sell a few here on my blog. I just might have a person in mind who can be a model for them. Now, if I could just think of something to scare off the four footed critters from the garden. Hmmmmm. Maybe a scaretiger or scarebear, or how about a scarehunter? (that would be a scarecrow dressed as a hunter) By golly, I just might have a million dollar idea here. So, shhhhh, don't tell nobody!

SURVIVAL STUFF: Something you should have with you always

This is really a neat little gizmo. And it could maybe save your life or someone else's one day. We hope that that never happens, but if it does you will be ready.

This little thing is called a ResQMe. It is made here in the good old U.S.A.

It is small and compact. It fits on your key chain. On one end you have a tool for breaking window glass in your car. It will not break windshield glass. It is made for the side windows. Place it in the corner of the window and push it 'til it snaps, then you have broken your side window to exit your car if you can not get the door open.

It also has a built in blade for slicing through seat belts. (I saw a demo and it went right through the seat belt like soft butter.) There are directions on the package.

I bought two. One for Kathi, and one for myself. It is a neat little item that I think every one should have. It is better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

I bought ours at ACE hardware. So check it out. And be safe.

FEED YOUR FACE: High Protein Meatloaf

Everyone likes meatloaf. At least I hope that you do. This one is easy to do. And you all know how I like beans. So get out them leftover beans! You will need:

• 1 cup refried beans


• 1 egg, beaten


• 1 small onion, chopped


• 1-1/2 lbs. hamburger


• 1/4 cup cheddar cheese, grated


• 2 teaspoons chili powder

Mix all the ingredients together, real well. Pat it all into a loaf shape.

Place it in a greased loaf pan or shallow baking dish. Bake at 350 degrees, for about 35 minutes. Then sprinkle with cheese, and bake for 5 more minutes, or until the cheese melts. Makes about 6 servings. For those of us, watching our waists. . . It has about 403 calories, 31 grams of protein, and .5 grams of fiber, give or take a little. Throw in a salad and some green beans or corn and you have a meal that will fill you up. So enjoy a hunk of meat loaf and FEED YOUR FACE!

SNOTFUNNY

Some call it allergies, some call it hay fever. I call it: SNOTFUNNY ('Cause it's not funny.) I hate when allergy time comes. I hate the runny nose and constant blowing of said nose. I have called in herds of elk from blowing my nose. I once even heard that they found a herd of elephants in the Rockies on their way to Colorado. It was my fault. I hate having my head feel like a weather balloon. Sometimes it feels so big, I'd swear that I could give the Goodyear Blimp a run for the money. And I don't dare go out on a windy day. I'm afraid that with my head being so big, I would end up in Kansas. Or worse, in the land of Oz, with all the flying monkeys poking at my head with sticks. Or the munchkins rolling me down the yellow brick road. This only happens when I'm taking nighttime medicine, but it seems real enough. I must go through 100 boxes of Kleenex or, as I start to call them, snot rags after about the third box. I have never known anyone who can go through that many boxes and still have a nose. My nose has been rubbed raw so many times that I know longer have to worry about it getting sunburned. 'Cause it will be red for the rest of the summer. And then we have the watery eyes. Now what in the heck can you do about them? My eyes water so much that we wouldn't have a water shortage every summer here in Colorado. They water so much that you could white water raft for the whole summer. And when all of this comes together you have one miserable spring after another. So, I think that we should not have spring. Go from winter right to summer. That way, no runny nose or watery eyes, no stuffed up heads, and we could put the Kleenex people out of business. Plus, I wouldn't have to run from the flying monkeys any more.

Quote of the Week: 4/4/2011

“The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people." -- Theodore Roosevelt

JUMP ROPE: I think I can

Jump rope. Now, how long has it been since any of us have done that? Those who are in shape need not reply! I have not even seen a jump rope in many years. I think the last one I saw was used to tie up my sister. 'Course, I got the snot beat out of me once she got loose. I think that was when I was like ten years old. So, I have not seen one, or maybe they are around and I'm just avoiding them. Ours had wooden handles and the rope was red. It went well with the welts on my legs. I could never quite get the hang of how to jump rope. I mean, how hard can it be?! I have jumped out of windows, over ditches, fallen trees, countless fences, and lots of trees. But I just can't get the jump rope thing. My sisters could do it for several blocks, going up and down our street, and not miss a beat. Heck, they could even jump the same rope at the same time. But not me. I finally thought that it was in the rhymes that they did while jumping rope. That had to be it! It took me several days to get the hang of just one rhyme. And to this day, I still remember it. It went: Bake a pudding, bake a pie. Did you ever tell a lie? Yes, you did, you know you did. You broke your mama's teapot lid. Apple, peaches, pumpkin pie. Something something something . . . and then you count 1, 2, 3 and so on. OK, so I can't remember the whole thing. How many of those rhymes can you remember? I'm lucky I can remember this much. Seems that there are a few memories that maybe shouldn't be brought back. I remember getting ganged up on by my sisters. Then, I think there was some dress-up in a dress. . .or something. Nah, couldn't be. Well, just once. No, I'm sure of it. Must have been a dream or something. OK, let's just forget about the rhymes..........Please.